


Looking For Daisy

by Everythingirl44



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Car Accidents, Character Death, F/M, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Heaven, Heavy Angst, Past Character Death, StaticQuake, Suicide, dousy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27641383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everythingirl44/pseuds/Everythingirl44
Summary: She didn't want to die, at least not anymore. After all these years of trying to move on, of getting used to losing people she loved. She never expected to be the next one to go.Title and theme inspired by the book by John Green and Hulu show Looking For Alaska.
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Yo Yo Rodriguez, Kora (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) & Daniel Sousa, Kora (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Lincoln Campbell/Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Skye | Daisy Johnson & Agents of SHIELD Team, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa, minor - Relationship
Comments: 11
Kudos: 31





	Looking For Daisy

**Author's Note:**

> "You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”
> 
> So this is my very first time even writing this type of angst. I've never written a story that doesn't have a happy ending or a resurrection arch. I read the book Looking For Alaska what feels like forever ago and then they came out with a show last year I think. I recently rewatched it and thought "hey you know what would be perfect with that death scene, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." and the fic was born! I'm sorry if this hurts you in any way or made you cry or just feel sad. If it helps I cried writing it so.

It was late at night in the spring. The lights in the apartment were still on, Daisy stood in the kitchen with Daniel washing dishes. There was music playing in the background covered up by their laughter. She handed him the last plate to dry, giving him a peck on the cheek. When she went to pick up her phone she saw a missed call from Jemma. 

Jemma never called this late, something had to be wrong. “Come on, pick up,” she mumbled.

“Daisy?” Jemma's voice rang. 

“Hey, is something wrong? Are you three okay?” Daisy asked quickly. Daniel looked over at her worried, but she waved him off.

“We’re fine. I was calling to see how you were doing. I know today was probably hard for you and-” she started to say. “Wait, why would today be hard for me?” Daisy cut her off.

Jemma stayed silent for a moment. “Daisy it’s May 17th,” she said sadly. 

Daisy went over to the calendar they kept up. “What so special about the-” the realization hit her. 

Her phone hit the floor, the air around her seemed to disappear. She forgot something she forced herself to remember. Of all the days to forget not this one. She ran into the bedroom, into the small closet, and searched for the old shoebox she kept. Daisy wasn’t thinking properly, her mind was too clouded. 

When she ran back into the living room she grabbed her keys and coat, slipping her shoes on quickly. Halfway out the door, she couldn’t go without bringing flowers. She always brought them, every year without fail she made sure to keep a routine. Now she forgot, too caught up in, all this.

Daniel was trying to talk to her, but she pushed past him grabbing the small vase of daisies they had on their dining room table. Before he could get another word in she was out the door. 

Daisy threw the box into the passenger seat and gently placed the vase onto the floor. She had a battle with her seatbelt and decided to give up on trying. 

Half an hour, that’s how long it would take to get there. Daisy didn’t have half an hour, she already felt guilty for missing the rest of the day. Three hours before tomorrow arrived wasn’t enough time. Then again, they already ran out of time. 

The street was dark, few cars passed by, but Daisy could see couples walking along the road. Some with their kids, dogs, or just each other. She looked out the passenger window trying to hold in her tears. It felt like there was no more time. 

Daisy caught a glance at the passenger seat. The shoebox had opened revealing the contents inside. Through her blurred vision, she saw the only picture she had left of him looking back at her. She looked back at the road, but couldn’t see a thing through her tears. She tried to whip them away, taking her hands off the wheel. A car honked at her as the car drifted into the other lane. 

Her hands gripped at the wheel, eyes occasionally glancing at the picture and the flowers. Eventually, she could barely see what was in front of her. The lights from the street were blinding against her glossy eyes. 

The one thing she could make out was the bigger, brighter lights of a semi-truck driving towards her. Daisy took another glance out the window, there was a restaurant a bit in the distance with people dining on the patio. Next, she looked back at the shoebox, that was all she had left. The daisies were just another failed gesture to him. 

She looked back onto the road. Her foot became heavy against the gas pedal. The noise became quiet in the background. The light got bigger, but that wasn’t what she was looking at. He was the last thing she saw before it all went dark. This is what Enoch meant when he said the team would never be whole again. 

* * *

Daniel started to get worried when Daisy didn’t come back after two hours. She looked so distraught when she left. He tried calling, but soon realized she dropped her phone. Jemma was the last person she called but he couldn’t get a hold of her. He decided to keep waiting for her to come home. 

He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Daisy taught him how to use the remote and scroll through the channels. He was flipping through them so quickly he almost missed the headline. 

_ DAISY JOHNSON, QUAKE, FOUND DEAD IN CAR CRASH _

No, it couldn’t be real. It had to be fake or staged. Daniel ran over to the phone ready to call Mack, or May, or Jemma, or Kora. There was a soft knock on the door, that had to be her. The news was wrong. Daisy wouldn’t be at the door. Maybe a little bloody and bruised, but there. The news had to be wrong. He went over to the door expecting it to be her, to be Daisy. 

Instead, Kora stood there with tears in her eyes. “Sousa,” she whispered. It couldn’t be real. Kora could see the future, how did she not see this? It had to be fake. Daisy can’t be dead. Daisy can’t be dead. 

* * *

The next day they were asked to go down to the station. When they got there they weren’t surprised to see the rest of the team. Jemma and Fitz were there without Alya, this was no place for a child. Even Coulson was there with May next to him. Mack and Yo-yo walked in after they did. 

“This can’t be real,” Jemma muttered, trying to hold in her tears. “She can’t-” Fitz wrapped his arms around her, trying to comfort her. 

May turned to them. “Kora how did this happen?” she said, eyes glossy.

Everyone turned to look at her. “I- I don’t know. There was almost no chance this would have happened, but it did and I couldn’t stop it.” she cried. 

“What did happen? Jemma was the last person to talk to her. What did you say that made you go crazy!” Sousa didn’t mean to yell. They were all upset, Mack placed a hand on his shoulder. 

Jemma pulled away from Fitz and whipped away her tears. “May 17th, yesterday was May 17th.”

The team’s faces dropped, glancing down at the floor. Sousa didn’t understand. She was happy before those split seconds where she ran around their apartment. He was about to ask when an officer came up to them. 

“Director, we got the report,” they said, handing Mack a file. He thanked the officer and waited for him to leave before opening in. There was silence as he skimmed through the papers. 

With a shaky voice, he started to speak. “According to witnesses from a restaurant, she was driving normally before speeding up and going headfirst into the semi-truck driving opposite of the road. Officers estimate she was going almost one hundred and she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. Not that it would help, the medical report said she died on impact.”

He paused, whipping away the tears forming in his eyes. Scanning the room to see the same tears in everyone’s eyes. “They found a broken vase that held a bouquet of daisies and the shoebox she kept with everything left of Lincoln.” he finished. 

“She killed herself?” Fitz crocked out, hand over his mouth. 

“She couldn’t live with the guilt of forgetting his anniversary. Daisy never forgot, no matter what she made sure to leave flowers and talk to him for hours.” Yo-yo said, trying to put on a strong face.

Sousa still stood there confused at the whole situation. Kora was able to follow it because of the timestream, but he couldn’t believe anything he was hearing. 

“I’m going to need some clarification.” his voice was shaky. “Why would she feel guilty and who- who’s Lincoln?” he asked. 

They all looked at him slightly shocked and with pity. He could see them trying to hide it, but it was written all over their faces, even Kora looked at him with a different kind of sadness. 

“Lincoln was the first guy she loved and who loved her back. He died saving her life and before she got to tell him she loved him back the coms to the quinjet cut out.” Coulson explained. He was the only one who had the composure to tell Sousa. 

Kora glanced at him. “She felt guilty for forgetting his death because she was happy and in love with you.” 

He knew it wasn’t meant to come out that harsh. Kora just lost the only blood family she had left, she lost her sister. They all just lost Daisy. The silence was back as they all stood there. Kora's statement was still in the air, settling in.

“It’s not your fault, Sousa. Daisy, she’s been dealing with his death for a while.” Jemma was the first to speak.

“Four years, he died four years ago and she never got over it,” Mack mumbled.

Sousa looked up at him, brows pinching together. “That’s what you meant by she’s been hurt before. His death hurt her that much?” 

They looked at him almost shocked. Daisy had told little about her past love life. They were just settling into their new apartment. Maybe thing we’re moving too fast and that pushed her over the edge.

“You don’t know the full story, you were there to see what happened.” May’s face was cold. It usually looked like that, but it was different. Like there was anger in the air and she was grasping all of it.

“We can’t blame each other for this. She’s been fighting for a long time-” Jemma tried to say. “The hell we can’t!” Fitz shouted, cutting her off.

“She killed herself, Jem! She drove her car into a semi-truck, she wasn’t killed by an enemy, she didn’t go out on a mission and never come back! Daisy took her own life and she left all of us here wonder what went through her head before she decided to do it.” the room erupted into chaos. Everyone started to talk over each other.

Coulson looked around watching them scream at each other. “Stop! Stop it!” he shouted. “You all want to blame each other? Daisy wouldn’t want that, if anyone is to blame its Hive and Hydra. This all started with them and what they did to her since birth.” 

Silence was back. Nothing was going to bring Daisy back Fitz was right about that, but Coulson knew she wouldn’t want them arguing over her death. She wouldn’t want them blaming themselves over her decision. They all knew her past wasn’t perfect, but they built this family together. It wasn’t like her to just throw it away. They continued to stand in the room, Mack still reading over the report. They all knew she was gone, Daisy couldn’t come back from the dead this time. The team would still carry the guilt of not knowing why she did it. They didn’t get a note or message. She simply left. She left and she wasn’t coming back.

“You’ll take care of her right? If there is a place we go after death, you’ll meet her there.” Yo-yo directed the question at Coulson. He was only an LMD, not the real Coulson. 

He nodded. “Not just me, Trip will be there, her mom before Hydra turned her into a monster. Lincoln will be there, he probably met her first.” everyone on the team smiled at the thought. It seemed that Daisy would be happy, maybe even happier, in the afterlife than here. 

“Sousa, she drove the S.H.I.E.L.D. issued car right?” he nodded. “It doesn’t make sense how the car experienced this much damage. It would have shielded her from the crash, I don’t understand how she died on impact.” 

Mack handed the file to May. If anyone could figure it out it would be her or Coulson. Mack was right though, she would have walked out with plenty of injuries but she would have walked out alive, the car would protect her. She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, but she wasn’t thrown from the car. The whole situation didn’t make sense, the pieces weren’t coming together.

“It was a semi, Mack and she wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, the car could only do so much.” May handed the file to Coulson. She didn’t want to dig further into it in fear that they would find something out. 

“You have to admit it doesn’t make sense,” Sousa said agreeing with Mack. 

Jemma looked up, eyes wide with realization. “Jemma?” Fitz gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “Her powers,” she whispered. 

“She did survive, it would have been so easy. She was already hurt and the car was already damaged. Anyone would have thought she died on impact, but not us.”

“So Daisy didn’t just drive into the truck when she realized she lived she-” he couldn’t finish the sentence. 

The thought was sickening, not just for him. Jemma was sobbing against Fitz. Yo-yo and Mack couldn’t hold it in anymore either. Daisy was the first Inhuman Yo-yo got close to and they did have their ups and downs in the past, it was hard to believe she was gone. Kora was trying to not show her tears. May and Coulson stood silently off to the side. Sousa was in the middle, still confused and hurt, and a little angry, 

“Enoch said we would never be in the same room again, never be a team again. We thought he meant because we would all move onto different things then Deke stayed behind, but this is what he really meant.” Coulson maybe just an LMD, but he cared about her so much. 

The officer came back into the room asking them questions about moving forward. Who was in charge of this? Did she have a will? Was there another family that needed to be called? It became too much for Sousa, he stormed out of the room. Of all the people to follow him he didn’t think it would be May. He sat down on the side of the road finally letting out his tears. 

May sat beside him, taking a deep breath. “She cared about you, don’t think for a second she didn’t. I can’t say if she loved you or if two had already told each other that, but she cared about you so much.”

He couldn’t help but scoff, he didn’t get to tell her how he felt yet. They decided to move in and start slow, so he held back not wanting to scare her away. The truth of it was he didn’t know much about or her past. There were plenty of things she hadn’t told him yet. Things they all knew about her. The team might be able to get some closer knowing that she’s happy up there somewhere, but he couldn’t. He would never get that closer because he didn’t know her. He was a man out of time. A man out of time lost and alone. 

* * *

The service was a week later. It was sunny outside, a beautiful day. Daisy was given the sendoff she deserved. It felt like all of S.H.I.E.L.D. attended, they were asked if they wanted to broadcast it for the public. The team knew Daisy wouldn’t want that, she never liked the publicity that came with being a superhero. The public still mourned her death, the team did it in privacy. Alya took it hard when Jemma and Fitz finally told her. 

She was there at the funeral, standing between her parents. Sousa decided not to stand at the front with the team, instead he stood in the crowd with sunglasses on. When the team dropped the daisies into the ground Kora dropped two, one for him and one for her. Jemma was the one who gave the final words. 

“Daisy wouldn’t want us to be upset, to dwell on her death. She would want S.H.I.E.L.D. to continue its work, the work she couldn’t finish. Daisy used to say there was no S.H.I.E.L.D. without Coulson, now it feels like there is no S.H.I.E.L.D. without Daisy.” There were some watery laughs through the crowd. Daisy had spoken at the Academy many times, Coulson had too even though everyone knew he was just an LMD.

“Her story started when Hydra took away her future. She became what she hated and in the process realized there was a line between the good guys and the guy who want to hurt the innocent. With that, she found a family, a home, and herself. Daisy is everything we want S.H.I.E.L.D. to be. Let’s not let her down.” Jemma stepped off the podium with tears in her eyes.

The crowd applauded her speech, but it still didn’t feel right. One week had already passed and it felt like a lifetime. Everywhere they looked there had been daisies in the street, in shops, restaurants, everywhere. Posters of Quake hung from streetlights and in the windows of shops and homes. Everywhere you looked Daisy was there. It even felt like she was still there with them. Her casket was covered, they all stood there in silence for a moment. The world around them seemed to stop, there was only silence. In that silence, a quake rippled through the Earth. It was small not intended to hurt anyone, but they could all feel it. Daisy may no longer be on Earth with them, but she would always be with them in spirit.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it and please go easy on me in the comments if you do leave a comment. Again never done this, wanted to try something new and see if it was a total flop and I should stick with cheesy romance or maybe continue to write sad fics. I have considered writing a second part where Daisy arrives in the afterlife and reunites with Coulson, Trip, her mom, and Lincoln. I tried to keep my bias towards staticquake out of the fic because I do think Daisy and Sousa are absolutely fluffy and adorable, which is also why I didn't do the second part yet. If that's something you want to see, please feel free to tell me in the comments or on my Tumblr Everythingirl44.


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